Job hunting is stressful. You find a position that matches your skills, certain you are perfect for the position. You invest a significant amount of time preparing the resume and cover letter, and practice thoroughly by walking though the interview in your mind. Having landed the interview, you walk away feeling pretty good about it. You start visualizing yourself in the position, and maybe even project a life into the future in this new role. Then the call comes and you find out you didn't get the job. It's devastating. Asking for feedback on what you could have done better doesn't make you feel better, it actually makes you feel worse. Worse than disappointment, you feel pain.
Studies have shown that the parts of the brain that are activated during physical pain are the same as for emotional pain such as rejection or isolation.* We are social creatures--we rely on social interaction for our survival. Our brain interprets rejection as a signal that something is wrong, much the way that pain receptors are activated if we stub our toe. And just like a physical injury, the steps you take to alleviate that pain can make a difference in your recovery and long term mental health.
Buddhism originated in India around the 5th century BCE with the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha). Central to Buddhism is the pursuit of enlightenment, a state of profound wisdom and liberation from the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth (samsara). This pursuit is guided by the Four Noble Truths, which outline the nature of suffering, its causes, its cessation (nirvana), and the path leading to its cessation, known as the Noble Eightfold Path. This path includes principles for ethical conduct, mental discipline, and wisdom, such as right understanding, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.
Folks that might have a more casual relationship with Buddhism sometimes have the mistaken idea that the first noble truth (dukkah) means "all desire is suffering." However, Buddhist teachings draw a clear distinction between chanda (wholesome desire) and tanha (unwholesome craving). Chanda is seen as a beneficial and necessary motivation for pursuing the path of spiritual development. It means cultivating good qualities and engaging in ethical behavior in order to achieve enlightenment. Chanda is associated with positive intentions and actions that lead to growth and liberation from suffering. In contrast, tanha is the root cause of suffering. Tanha leads to attachment, dissatisfaction, and the perpetuation of the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. Buddhist teachings emphasize that overcoming tanha is essential for achieving nirvana.
You don't have to be a Buddhist monk to understand that overcoming attachment is the key to recovering from the pain of rejection. Job hunting is a process, with starts and stops, obstacles and challenges. Each new opportunity is a chance to refine your strategy, fine tune your approach, polish your interview skills, and make new connections.
If you stub your toe at the end of the bed, you know that the pain will eventually subside. But if you keep stubbing your toe in the same place, you run the risk of deeper injury. More importantly, you have not yet learned to walk past the bed post.
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*Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social Exclusion. Naoimi I. Eisenberger, et. al. Science 302, 290 (2003).